Loss

Loss

I awaken to the first light of the day and from myself I hide
Sounds are hollow and all around me a flat note fills the day
All colours muted and with each rose no smell
I may have awaken but I am not present a vacancy fills my eyes

I once was supported I once was filled up
There were no shadows ahead and no clouds hiding the sun
Each sound a song and warmth in every touch
My hunger was fed only to be found and grown anew

It wasn’t when you told me it wasn’t then at all
A scar you laid upon me rending me and making me fall
It wasn’t then that did it, for that I forgave you all
It was hope that finished that task you took upon my soul

Why you didn’t want to try I never will understand
What I may have done that drove you into his arms
I cut myself up with thoughts of this round and round I go
Speechless and without any strength I cannot even ask

Awash in anger rage and pain I stumble through the day
I jerk and halt and twist about fighting myself endlessly
Never did I expect this hurt this torching and this flame
Without defence I find myself for trust I am to blame

I still find thoughts of you ensnare me each and every day
I turn to share my thoughts with you to have you smile same
I awake to the first light and hurt feeling utterly shamed
I’ve forgiven you and try so hard to not give in to rage

Yesterday was happy then and tomorrow may once again
But without trust there is no hope for things to be the same
For it wasn’t the betrayal that ended it so it wasn’t that at all
It was the fact that you refused to try that ended it just so

I hate myself each day anew with bitterness and spite
I hate missing you and the hollowness inside
I weep for the loss of hope and the darkness upon my sight
I cannot return to what once was put my hand into the flame

Choice is everything in life each one we ever make
Each choice can devastate or build upon our hearts
Your choices affected you and I in ways through to our core
My choice is to heal some day to try and cool my rage

My shame is that it ended thus in shards upon the floor
My hopes and dreams extinguished here by you through your deed
I flee from you and run and run not knowing if I’ll stop
Sun sets upon us as our choices make us flush