Something

Something

I wake and feel the loss immediately and the instinct to reach out
But I am unable to pin down what it is I am missing because of the scars
Will I ever stop needing you throughout the aftermath you left behind
Or is the future I will always never be free of the pain of you

I keep stumbling as soon as I think I'm succeeding in walking
I fall and stumble and trip as I try to heal and find hope in a future
I hate myself when I find myself wanting you again in spite of it all
I hate myself when I find myself beginning to despise the things you did

I cannot cry out or rage or hide from the memories of you of us
I still catch myself noting things to tell you about to say to you to give to you
How can I be free from someone that I gave myself to so deeply
How could you please have believed you when you said the same of me

Life has its regrets the scars accumulated of the years of life tell stories
The story of us has many chapters and the the first and last are pain
I feel cheated by the middle where hope resided and the price seemed to be paid
But the lie of it hidden by trust and your deception of commitment deceived

And your success: I regret what you said I would, I regret I married you